Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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