i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
