you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Fuck appropriateness.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
