very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
