Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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