at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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