Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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