our cab driver is having phone sex.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
