there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
