Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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