dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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