The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
