just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
