I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
