I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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