morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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