U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
