Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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