We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
