I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
