She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
