hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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