R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
