you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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