Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Blood and glitter go together right?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
