I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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