She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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