My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
