They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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