I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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