rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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