I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
