So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
