So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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