she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
