areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
