My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
