no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
