Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
