we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
