My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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