She announced her abortion via fbk
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
