how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
