I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
