I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
