But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I got inside last night via doggy door
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
