There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
