You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
