I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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