do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
