Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm really busy with my period
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