Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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