are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
