Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
