Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
